upanddownandupanddown

ive come to accept depressions as part of my life because it seems they will always return. no medicine or dosage seems to keep them away but at least now after so many years of experience i know there will be an end to any down cycle. so now i can hold on be fierce and even angry and even function thru the bad days. the worst part is the depth of worthlessness that overwhelms... in depression there is no end to the self flagellation; the constant review of past actions that prove i am thoughtless, insensitive and stupid. how could i have.....done this, said that, thought this, behaved that way? but heres the thing---no matter what do not ever ever make a critical decision about your life during depression. wait til the beast turns his back to rest before you make changes. even a conversation that seems necessary can be deadly now, so learn this if nothing else... wait it out oh please wait it out or you will never know if it was the beast talking or really, really, you. keep tight to who you are hold on for dear life and dont let the beast find you he will sleep i promise then you can do your life but do not share life with the beast.